Roll Out The Poll

It's that time of year again where we see signs and commercials telling us to vote in the upcoming election for either Tastycrat Jack Johnson or Fingerlician John Jackson. Then we are bombarded by their arguments on whose three-cent titanium tax goes too far or doesn't go too far enough. In addition to these two main opponents there are a variety of groups ranging from the Green Party to the Brain Slug Party. The Voter Apathy Party to the AntiSocialists. And the National Ray-Gun Association to the Dudes For The Legalization For Hemp.



Politics are funny. Politicians are people like you and I, but with two key differences: 1)We get to choose if they sound smart or not, and 2) They make us want to annoy the crap out of everyone else. This can vary from religious views to personal views and anywhere in between. One rather hilarious thing that comedians and politicians have in common is that they share their point of view on everything and it definitely influences what we think of them. We always hope for the best, but there are slip-ups. Maybe not as bad as Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina, but still pretty bad.


The second problem, overly discussing our favorite politicians, is a lot like LolCatz and memes now in the sense that we keep throwing them out there long after the point is lost. Sure, it's funny to Haz Cheezburgers, but it is kind of a boner-killer when your lover goes up to you asks to Haz hawt sexy tyme right meow...trust me, I know. I'm glad that there is someone up there saying how they have opinions even if they are ones I don't agree with. The point is that we don't have to all reiterate them to everyone else to prove how right or wrong that person is. Our freedom of speech can sometimes lead to hysteria of ridiculous proportions. If you don't believe me, try listening to a people chatting in a game of Warcraft sometime.


Just Remember: It's cool to have opinions, but be realistic that other people have them too. You can discuss them, but you may not change them and there is no reason to get upset about.



-Future_Man_3000


P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com 

Proposition Nothing Offensive

This blog entry is going to reference a touchy subject: gay marriage. I wanted to broach the topic with the same lighthearted humor as John Stewart or Matt Groening, but that has been done. Then I was unsure of weather to tackle this topic from a religious, political, logical, economical, or historical stand point. In the end, I discovered that no matter what direction I come from there is no true problem with gay marriage. Also, I decided to indicate so from each stand point.

Louis Armstrong

Historical - Homosexuals have been frowned upon for ages, the most famous of which is war hero and inventor Alan Turing (I'm not kidding, look it up). There were other silly concepts in the past such as a law banning whites and non-whites from marrying, let alone holding hands. Time passed and then people started to realize there were other people in the world to hate.

Religious - While certain religions may see homosexual behavior as sinful, they also used to deem writing left-handed, women riding bikes in the standard fashion, listening to jazz music, marrying outside of one's own race, listening to The Beatles, and watching Star Wars to be sinful too. All of those things seem to be ok now...unless it's Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, that's never ok to watch.

Political -The US was founded on the concept of freedom, destroying the concept of a theocracy, meaning we we don't follow the rules of one religion, we make our own. Therefore there must be a divide between church and state. This may be difficult for some people to deal with as people who practice religion make up the state (if you are one of these people, please read on to the Logical section). Even ghosts and horses are allowed to marry in the future.

Economical - In terms of money, our country is hurting right now and many are looking for ways to get that cash flowing. Wait a minute, don't marriage licenses and weddings cost money? Would that actually work? That's a crazy idea! How about we just have Michael Bay make another Transformers movie.

"Proposition Infinity"

Logical - All humans want happiness, we are allowed the pursuit of it in the constitution, so why should we mandate who is and who isn't allowed to have it? If your neighbor listens to polka music, you don't call him/her a freak and try to impose a new music genre on them. Instead, you ignore it and turn your radio up louder. If your neighbor is gay, you don't have to be there all the time. Go home and do your own thing (If you use that music metaphor to mean "have sex louder than your neighbor" that is up to you and none of my concern).

Just Remember: Actor Johnny Galecki, when responding to rumors about being homosexual, was quoted as saying, "I didn't feel the need to clarify them because I didn't see it as anything offensive."



-Future_Man_3000


P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com 

Self-Reporting

I remember there used to be a time when someone saw something crazy at a party or in public and they would tell everyone about it. That was a simple time. Dispelling a rumor was as simple as saying, "I was at home." Even still, nobody really needed to know what we were doing back then unless we decided to brag about how great our lives are. Of course, if we wanted to show proof, we could show pictures we had printed up or video we took. Life was so difficult because we had to have forethought on what we had to take with us and we were out of luck when a need that was unprepared for arose. Then someone realized how clunky all that stuff was so we put it all in a phone.

That's right. Life changed as soon as cell phones became more efficient. The idea was to have a device that helps us organize our lives, but it is funny to think a device can do it alone. Now I can get into how they can't, but I will do that in a different post. This post is more to focus on one of the uses of cell phones: self-reporting. Not just for Twitter or Facebook, but also Four Square and You Tube.


A lot of people have to read 1984 or Fahrenheit 451 in high school, both of which are books that depict government as this Big Brother, fascist-thing. Those books had a lot of depth to them, but they were also interesting due to public perception that the government had too much control. There was question as to why a we were being watched in a free nation. The new problem is now we have a way to show how fabulous we are that everyone knows our exact movements and dealings.




The main issue I see is that we no longer worry about the negatives. Sure some of these things can be fun to post, but the use of Four Square and Facebook has made stalking an even easier task than it was back before the two programs existed...back when you only needed binoculars and a car. Sure, there is the positive that it helps with an alibi should one ever need to go to court, but is that reason enough? It has even been postulated that people running for president in a few years have already put up a great deal of their personal info now.

Just Remember: Before you put up that picture of you licking your friend's face or talking crap about your co-workers, remember that it will still be up long after you forget about it. Is that how you want to be known?





-Future_Man_3000


P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com 

Fun At Work

Zap and Kif

You've come to your job and there is an annoying person chirping about you, talking about things they deem important and hilarious. Then you realize that this is your job and it isn't as fun as life before.

The question becomes How do I deal with this horrible dilemma?

While there are a number of books that deal with this very dilemma, my advice is to have fun with it. Some people confuse fun with being a screw off. Those are not the same thing at all. An example of each to take place in which you walk into an elevator. Bear in mind that people normally walk in, turn around, push a button, and wait for the door to open on their floor.

• You walk in, push your button, but don't turn around. Continue facing everyone silently with your back to the door. Proceed to leave when the door opens.
• You run into the elevator, pointing at everyone, insisting that they are hamsters, before hitting all the buttons and running out.

Both of these examples seem strikingly similar, there is a difference. The first of those examples is a good example because it is formal, subtle, and doesn't require much energy. It also hinges on the psychology of the human mind that can't handle people breaching standard social conventions. The second example is awful because there is no charm or brilliance to it. It hinges on childish notions of weird that verge on insanity. In short, use tact. As for real world application, people are less likely to track down a quiet person than someone that acts like an idiot.

 Now you may be thinking to yourself That didn't help me out. What are some real-world examples that work and can help me out? Well allow the following three examples to help you out.

• Someone decides to discuss their favorite musician. They will more than likely say a current popular musician. This is your chance to discuss how amazing an outdated band/musician is. A few good example musicians that are skilled, but few people would actually admit to liking would be Meatloaf, Hall & Oates, Huey Lewis & The News, Nickelback, and Barry Manilow. It can also help your argument if you can quote a popular song by the musician you name. Squares know it's hip to be prepared.
•  Randomly reply to your boss in popular hip-hop lyrics or slang. A good example for this would be if your boss gives you a long list of goals to accomplish and finishes it up by saying, "Lets hit it!" You would immediately, and very seriously, ask, "Once we hit it, can we then choose to quit it?"
• Obscure history. Memorize one famous person or fact for the sheer purpose of name dropping them after randomly saying, "Doesn't anyone remember ...... ?" Of course, you may be asked about what that person did that made you think that. Choose wisely and not someone known predominantly for something bad because someone may know who that person or what that event was after all.

Just Remember: Your coworkers are like you. They have lives outside of work that they want to get back to. You are not all that different.


-Future_Man_3000


P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com 

The Poppler Dilemma

"The Problem With Popplers"

I normally don't care for break rooms. Generally, they are windowless, dirty, & uncomfortable rooms that give way to coworkers with myopic viewpoints that I tend to tune out. A few months ago, I was eating lunch in this break room when four women, ranging from early-30s to mid-40s, came in and immediately took seat at a table away from me, which is understandable as I didn't know them. Soon enough they began to discuss the quirks of life that disappointed them, starting off with the body scanners at the airport and how the TSA agents shouldn't pat these women down because they aren't terrorists. They then concluded that dogs should be used instead of body scanners as they are a lot less invasive. Both of the statements made me chuckle to myself due to the sheer stupidity of them.

It was at this point they continued munching on their salads while discussing "the benefits of vegetarianism," one of which claimed she had to be vegetarian. They continued onward about how Richard Geer wrote a book about the very same topic and talking about the "a-ha moment" for famous people. This came around to the topic of how livestock out at pasture care for their young as humans care for their progeny, by enlisting a babysitter. The entire conversation went on for sometime with minor jabs inserted, berating those "too stupid" to fall in line with their world view. One simplistically stated how the wold would be far better if everyone were vegetarian.

Adorable, yes, but I would still eat it.

As I looked down at my ham sandwich, one thought clearly passed through my head: That is total bullshit! Animals eat other animals and if they don't, they eat things with living cells on them. Genetically speaking, all lions are carnivores and, as such, need to eat meat. Omnivores can eat both plants and meat and we, as humans, are omnivores, not solely herbivores (those that eat only plants). It seems that becoming vegetarian is the new diet fad. Of course there are protein alternatives to meat like beans, nuts, and legumes; however, many people don't employ the alternatives and end up having to take various pills to replace what they aren't gaining nutritionally. These people end up having to stop the vegetarian lifestyle as per doctor's request.

I may sound like I'm bashing vegetarians, but, in truth, I'm declaring two points: 1) know how to eat/be healthy, and 2) don't push your health-habit-theories/how-to-save-the-world-ideas on others.

Just Remember: According to science, all edible items contain living cells at one point or another. To say eating meat is murder by using the it-is-from-a-living-creature argument is a fallacy because all items on this planet are made up of living cells or have bacteria living on them. This means that any form of nutrition is murder to some degree. (See the Life Cycle)