The Online Dating Monster

A while back I wrote a an entry about meeting people in a bar. In that entry, I left out the entire concept of online dating and claimed I would get back to it eventually. Now, five months later, I feel as though I have researched enough to understand it a bit more thoroughly.

As with a great deal of many other situations, there is a great trepidation about online dating because it is somewhat misunderstood. All I ask is that you follow the next few simple rules for online dating.

1. Don't be so damn shy! - A lot of people think that online dating is for shy people. In a way that is true, but, in a more exact way, it is more for people who know what they want. This is a chance to show people who you are. People tend to look at pictures, so put up one or two good ones and one that you feel depicts yourself. The same goes for writing. Be direct while leaving somewhere for conversation to go. Say what you are about and what you are looking for so there aren't any misconceptions. A good rule of thumb is to adjust your profile if you see something from yours popping up in too many other profiles. Remember, it doesn't have to be entirely serious. Try to show your sense of humor and don't talk about your ex.
2. Explore who you are - While some websites ask a variety of questions to develop a match percentage, not all do. These questions are important in finding someone. Is it important that someone you date likes coffee or are you ok with them not having an opinion on it. Do you want to date someone with or with out kids? Start with simple questions and venture out to the complex.
3. Searching - or - Beyond the Bullcrap - While not everyone likes to admit it, most people look at the pictures first. This can determine whether or not there is a physical attraction. Lets be honest: If there isn't a physical attraction, there most likely won't be much desire or passion. Beyond pictures, nearly every profile is written exactly the same: poorly. People use vague and cliche descriptors to describe themselves like the girl next door or average guy. Even worse, people use vague descriptions for what they want like just a good guy or a girl I can take home. While these phrases describe what they want, they describe more of a concept and not an actual human being. Of course, don't let all of these descriptors fool you. You can still talk to someone if you find them interesting, just try to find common ground and don't get too invested too soon.
4. Ready, Set, Talk - If you don't write to someone first, who is to say that they should? Take the first step, you have a profile up anyway, may as well follow through. There is some disagreement on how to initiate conversation with someone. Some believe that short "hello" is totally fine while others believe a paragraph or more is more descriptive of intentions. In reality, somewhere in between yields the best results when initiating conversation. A quick hello isn't memorable and a paragraph can be a little oppressive to some especially when it is a marriage proposal as I got in an intro letter, yeesh. Simply say Hi, be honest about something you liked in their profile, ask them a question about it. It is just that simple. The longer letters can come later as you talk more and more. This is your chance to ask them questions to help figure out their personality and criminal history (this can also be found out by looking their name up on your state's closed circuit court website). At some point this can lead to phone calls.
5. Getting the date - Provided you have kept up with communicating, a first date should be in order. The great question about getting the first date is When do I ask. In all honesty, whenever you feel it is ok. Some people ask by the second week of communicating while others wait up to a few months. Either is fine provided both people feel comfortable and not pressured. Never go with someone that puts you off and never be someone that forces someone into a date.
6.  The First Date - Here is where the true challenge lies. Talking on the phone and writing are an entirely different ball game. As with many first dates there is the standard freak out of trying to dress nice, look good, and planing a memorable date. The only difference between this and other dates is that both of you are frantically trying to remember all you know of each other. That part doesn't matter so much as a having a good time does. Many people go for the standard coffee date to test the waters in person. This is stupid move. The best way to go about it is to attempt a meal, which can allow you two to converse, followed by a fun activity to work off said meal the best date I ever went on involved pizza and laser tag. Rule of thumb: If you aren't having fun, they aren't having fun.

Just Remember: In the end, it will be obvious whether or not the date went well, just don't force more. A forced second date is worse than a crappy first date. Besides, there are other people out there, go write to one of them and focus on what you have in common, not what makes you different.


-Future_Man_3000


P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com