At Least You Aren't Alone Like ZOIDBERG!!!

"Why Must I Be A Crustacean In Love?"

The summer is an interesting time: it's hot, emotions run high, necklines run low, and all this makes one realize how long it has been since they had dated someone. We are about, if not a little more than, halfway through the summer and a lot of people are already dating, married, or--as Dylan Moran put it--in the throws of the "Summer Girl" phase. People have seen this before in the movie Grease, but didn't recognize it because 1) it was behind the entire masks-that-people-put-on-to-please-others thing, and 2) it was a musical. Sure, those who watched Grease, as well as the link above, will think something along the lines of Guys are disgusting for debasing women emotionally this way. How dare they! While that is a very good point, one has to remember that women can-do or have-done it too. Bearing those thoughts in mind, a new question arises: Where can I meet someone?

You can meet someone at a bar, a wedding, or through any open forum. I didn't write online because that is an entirely different entity that I will touch on in a different post. Meeting someone in person has a few specific rules to adhere to:

The downside of having a wing man (See Step 4).

1.  Dress the Part - A lot of people say Be yourself and that is true, but there is a less likely chance that the opposing sex is going to take you seriously if you are sporting a Sonic the Hedgehog t-shirt or kitten sweater. Simply put, dress like yourself, but a little nicer. If you dress predominantly in jeans, trade up your sneakers for some nicer shoes (loafers or heels). Perhaps add a button up on top of your t-shirt and some retro glow bands, but only ironically. It should go without saying that you should dress appropriately for special occasions such as weddings.
2. Don't Go With Intentions - This is similar to the common expression "The bigger they are, the harder they fall." If you go out with grand ideas of how you will sweep someone off their feet by buying them a fish sandwich, there will be a certain sense of disappointment when you go home alone with a large pizza. Go to have a good time and leave if you aren't having one. If nothing is happening, you may end up trying too hard and people can see that.
3. Find a Good Place - Remember, going without intentions means you are more likely to have fun at a place you actually find fun rather than a place that is loaded with women. This will help you focus on Step 2. Again, leave if you aren't having fun. This step also focuses on positioning. There are more likely to be people bellied up at the bar if you're in a pub. Yes, people will go to the exit and/or bathroom, but don't be creepy.
4. Wing Person vs. Wing Man - Sure, you can have a wing man. It is a lot less creepier for a few friends to be hanging out than one person alone, but keep in mind that you and a buddy may be looking for the same thing. If you are looking for someone of the opposing gender, who would understand them better than someone the same gender they are? Not only that, but for some weird, psychological reason people like to hit on people in relationships, either because they are happy or because there is a carnal need to destroy a relationship. I go with the second one. So there is a slightly larger chance that you will meet someone in this case.
5. Communication - Anyone can buy someone a drink at a bar...unless they are broke. Not everyone will listen to a person in a bar. Simple communication can go a long way and can be about anything. There are simple rules to this too: Don't talk about work, don't talk about yourself too much, listen to them, and forget what gender they are (this is a reference to Step 2). Remember to watch for certain body language, they are more likely to be interested the more they initiate body contact and less interested the more they cringe and whip out their mace. I've spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder and mace.
6. Continuing the Good Times - If the body language is positive it is usually alright to either invite them over for some food or get their number. It doesn't matter if this doesn't happen because, remember Step 2, you didn't have any intentions that you would get anything. Besides, look at the bright side, you didn't get maced. How many people can say that? 

Just Remember: If you go home alone with a large pizza, remember that you aren't alone like Zoidberg...he can't afford a pizza.

 -Future_Man_3000

P.S. - If you have any questions you want answered, feel free to contact me by email: futureman3000@yahoo.com