The Post V-Day Debacle

With the season of love out of the way we can finally begin to focus on stuff. What's that? You couldn't help notice that you are still unbearably lonely and/or are starved for attention? Ugh, fine! Chances are you are consider, despite that I have spoken out against it before, getting a pet. Before we proceed any further, let me just say that buying an instrument would probably be cheaper and a lot less likely to relieve itself all over your place.

Anyway, back to our schedule shenanigans. So you want a pet. The question is "What kind?" Almost every pet has a reason why it is had. First of all, there is the Fun Pet. Your friends love this pet and always want to be around because of it. These pets are awesome because they are nothing but fun...until you are tired. Then they become ironically similar to the next grouping known as the Just Because Pet which, as the name suggests, is around just because. Your friends absolutely hate how you treat it and don't want to be around because of it. Heck, get about 13 more and several stacks of junk and you could be on the show Hoarders.

The I'm-Heart-Broken Pet is also terribly annoying for anyone around you. You baby talk it, you have professional portraits taken of it, and (when you aren't listening to your totally awesome break-up playlist) you bath it with affection...the same level of affection you wish you still had from whoever left you. Well, sorry to say, that can become very sad very fast. The only thing more disturbing is the Symbol-of-Our-Love Pet. This pet shows up generally when the relationship is growing stale or about to collapse. It is essentially treated like a child, but with two angry parents. The pet, being a symbol of your love, means that everything else done becomes a symbol too. Someone forgetting to feed it becomes a symbol of how that person doesn't care enough about the relationship. Of course, sometimes the pet becomes the Scapegoat, which allows you to both to get out of all kinds of things (i.e. eating bad food, destroying your neighbors yard, child rearing, etc.).

Just Remember: Pets are a lot of work. Unless they help out in some way, child rearing excluded as that only worked in Peter Pan, pets end up taking a lot of time and patience. If you have that, go ahead, but don't bother if you don't think you have that.