Will Chocolate Let Me Finish?

Sure, this week I could have written about gifting for Valentine's Day, but I have already written a gifting entry. It occurred to me last night that while I have written about the large break-up events of the season, I haven't taken into account how to break-up with someone. Suppose you have are dating someone and the magic is gone. Everything is just dead. Maybe you feel with way, but most likely both of you feel this way only neither one of you can say it. The fact is that it needs to be said: It's over. Mind you, breaking up is never a simple thing, but there are a few methods on how to do it.

The Not So Simple Talk - This attempt is the average break-up. One person wants to, the other doesn't. It is a total surprise. No matter what, this break up is never easy to attempt when in public. Privacy is ultimately necessary for this. This is by far the bravest way to break up with someone. There are a few methods to get through this.
                         The Honest Way - Being straightforward about your feelings is how to do it. You may end up with a drunken ex on your hands in moments, but at least your conscience is clear.
                         The Dishonest Way - Think of the craziest lie you can think of...then take it a step further. You may not have a clear conscience, but at least you're free.

The Simple Talk - While fantastically rare, this can happen. You both mutually decide that it's over. This  break up can happen anywhere, but, again, it is extremely rare.

The Simple Non-Talk - Facebook, text, voice mail message, snail mail, fax, telegraph, it doesn't really matter how it is done. The simple truth is you can't bear to say the words. This option is left for cowards or for use against violent exes.

The Subtle Break Up - I've seen this one used by a few friends. This is generally used against annoying/crazy exes. It is a simple break up without being rare. All that is needed is to stop showing up. I generally disagree with this method because it is cowardly and uninspired.

The Memorable Break Up - This is by far the ballsiest method on how to break up with someone. It can be as simple as being brutally honest or as horrible as breaking up with someone at their birthday dinner. Sure, they will be upset and you will look like a complete ass, but this will surely guarantee this ex will be out of your life for good.

I don't really care for break ups. They are as volatile as black holes, drawing people in and leaving destruction. The ultimate concern with a break up is how friends become weapons. In all honesty, the one way to deal with a break up is make it a one-on-one event. Spare everyone else. They don't need that.

Just Remember: If you are unhappy, it is always best to communicate first. See what happens. Then take action when nothing changes.

The First Wave

A while back I wrote an article about how to meet someone in a bar. It worked for some people while others are left questioning why it didn't work. This entry is for those people who didn't find anyone and are now left saying, "Well, I can't find anyone because everyone is taken already." I have noticed that too and there is good news for you. HUMANS ARE PATTERN-CENTRIC! Think about it. Every June, August, and December have high gas prices because people are traveling more. Or how everyone decides to do something crazy during summer after having spent several months cooped up indoors. Relationships are strikingly similar.

Take the average single person. He or she, having been stuck inside all winter, wants to go out and have fun, possibly meet people. Let's claim that our average person has met someone and is dating. They go through the rest of summer feeling energized by this new found glory until about September when things slow down and start to lean a bit towards serious. As the weather gets colder, couples, like bird, begin to nest and find out how much they really want to destroy one another...or not. Of course both Sweetest Day and Halloween prolong the relationship, but by no means necessarily save it because the potential of Thanksgiving can kill it.

It will start off small, perhaps a disagreement about which movie is better, and it will escalate into either a series of growing fights or one full-out relationship-ending fight. Now you may be asking why would such a positive holiday kill a relationship? While Sweetest Day allows one to pick up for misgivings and Halloween allows for couples to have fun as a couple, Thanksgiving represents a couple getting serious. It isn't so much the holiday as it is bringing this person home to show off to the rest of the family that can make someone uneasy. There are other times this situation happens in the year and I will document them as well, but for now, this is The First Wave.

Just Remember: It's not the end of the world just yet...that's in December. Also, there are other people that are going to be single now too so you will both have something in common to talk about.