Look at Ms. Puke and the Puke Mobile

Driving, whether I like it or not, is a vital aspect of my life. I have to get around. Whenever I hear people talking about driving, they have stories about being flashed by girls or getting out of speeding tickets. The stories I am usually involved in go something to the effect of Once upon a time, I was driving home from work when some schmuck in an SUV decided to cut me off. Ignoring this schmuck I continued onward towards my destination, when at an intersection another schmuck in an SUV decided that they had the right to turn before me, nearly crashing into me. Needing to stop for gas, I take the last open pump, only to be flipped off by the person entering the gas station behind me. They too are in an SUV, from which they begin insulting me and my "pukey-puke mobile."

Now there are a multitude of ideas that come to mind. The first being to turn the other cheek. Of course, this idea is thrown on the window by the time the second and third driver put me off within the same hour. My second idea lends itself to a more lawful path: calling the police. While that is well and good, I would rather not go through that hassle. Then comes the idea polar opposite to the former: DEMOLITION DERBY, BABY! Then logic kicks in and I realize that my tiny sedan is no match in that kind of derby against an SUV. And, while my mind logically realizes that their cars are more likely to roll or hit each other should a Demolition Derby take place, I then realize that my anger has gotten the best of me.

Just Remember: All people drive like crap, but we cannot let it get the best of us.

Bye Bye Gadget Childhood (Now in Hypnovision)

I was hanging out at the bookstore the other day and started noticing a horrific trend: kids admire schmucks. There wasn't a time in my life I remember thinking kids from Disney were cool and, better yet, the ones that were on Disney at my age didn't make music. Even when they made music later on, I didn't care for it. That aside, there sure as hell wasn't a book on any of them.

Such was not the case today.

I saw rows of books on "stars" who can still hardly play their own instruments. Think about it. There still really isn't a book about Justin Timberlake or Brittney Spears. There wasn't one about Phoebe Cates or Kirk Cameron. And there still isn't one fully about Michael J. Fox. Do you know why? Because their body of work isn't finished yet.

Sure, some joy can be measured that perhaps as there are books out about these schmucks that their careers will tank soon, but what if not? That is entirely bothersome more so than how these fools became famous. A lot of these "stars" have become famous like Hannah Montana: we were told they are popular and thus became so. At least Timberlake and Fox could back that up. The same could not be said of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, etc.

Just Remember: Someone is going to make a lot of money when those books are updated to include any addictions and/or illegitimate children. Then they will be a lot better. Of course, nobody will read them.

Shut Up and Take My Money!

Tis the time of year where the Tax Monster swings around and sucks the cash from your bank account. Sometimes he leaves a little bit behind if you're lucky. Provided that the monster leaves more than he takes, you can come to an awesome decision: save the money for future bills or use it on something gaudy and audacious. There lies the true cruelty of the Tax Monster, making you choose between levelheadedness or knocking down that wall and unleashing your crazy inner child that wants everything. I hope that you can deal with this in the way best for you.

Just Remember: Even if you end up saving all of you get back, you typically end up spending it on what I call a "Shitstorm Anomaly". This could be anything from needing a new car because someone stole your last one to paying off an emergency surgery because your appendix almost explode. Basically, spending it on that expensive TV right now probably isn't the best idea when you innards decide you suck and wish to locate to regions outside your body. Also, and I'm looking at you fellow nerds, buying that book cabinet that looks like the TARDIS is probably great for storing your stuff, but not so hot later on. Save up.

Intravenous Technology

Here we all are, fiddling with technology, not focused on one another, or awaiting the new technology to hit stores. A lot of us can't wait for the iphone 37 to come out with its newly integrated french fry cutter and lobotomy function. I know I have fallen prey to time-wasting Skeeball apps, time I could have spent better with someone I care about or finishing one of my projects.  In the grand scheme of things, what is the point of all this technology? Why do we play Wii Bowling when we could have more fun with friends at a bowling ally? Why do we insist on creating digital farms when we complain about making our own beds? I think, in terms of Terminator, the machines are winning. So I ask, What are we doing to stop them?

Just Remember: It's ok to use tech if it helps make your life simple, just don't let it get in the way of your life.

Let's Try That Crazy Pizza Monster's Place Across the Street

For the past month or so, when I'm at work and have forgotten my lunch, I have been calling up delivery places from time to time. One of the places I call I end up calling more the food and less for the service. Every time I call the place the phone is picked up by a morose guy that is focused on being so dispassionate that he could fit in well as a dementor in the Harry Potter world. I'm fine dealing with people with oddball attitudes, I do it every day; however, this guy is a little too much to deal with.

So what is there to do?

I could have kept going and gave that guy crap or just tried something new. Sure, I could have complained the first restaurant and, as a matter of fact, I did talk with someone, but I asked if their employee was fine. As it turned out, they had been trying to get him help for a long time. Not really much point in arguing with that. So I let it be. I tried a new place down the street and it was fantastic. Is it the type of food I normally want? No, but the food is still great and the people there are a lot nicer.

Just Remember: If someone else sucks, sometimes it is easier just to be the bigger person and walk away.