It is real and it is finally here

The Smell-o-Scope! What would Professor Farnsworth think, his invention having been presented again. To think, if this occurs, we might have to watch out for a giant comet-sized ball of garbage heading for us.

Just Remember: Science fiction leads to some amazing and wacky inventions.

Future Grammar

I may have misspoken in side the time sphere. I'm sure I will go back and fix those weeks I didn't post anything...eventually. One thing I have noticed on my trips to the past was that there is a Science Fiction channel named SyFy and a mystery channel called Cloo on cable. For those of you that love that, there is bad news for you coming on the horizon. In the near future, there happens to be an intense bout with illiteracy in the world. In the end, everyone reverts to the original spellings of things. Word creativity ends up being murdered a slow and painful death.

As it so happens, I am a rebel, an innovator, and a sklinker (that's right, I just made up a word). Sure there are other sklinkers, revivers of past abilities, and we revel in our skill against the black-and-white uniformity. It can get tiresome having the same thing, day-in, day-out, listening to Sir Mix-A-Lot. That is why we try something unique with our words.

Just Remember: It's great to be creative, but never let that get in the way of grammar.

Even Further into the Future

Fleeing into the future, I wanted to see what had become of the world, what had become of myself. The funny thing about fleeing into the future is how different things can be. Perhaps a scarred face or a an evil lair of doom. In the future, all I found was more of the same, but slightly different. Rats ceased to be, but owls had become a real infestation. A ride to the moon was no problem anymore. And, of course, politics take some sort of crazy turn. The thing that baffles me about the future is how much it can change a person. It is easy to assume that we all know who we are now, but seeing our future selves makes for an odd view. We talk about the horrors of being a face-scarred renegade or potentially becoming a run-down geriatric. Those visions may seem horrific as hell, but in truth, they aren't that bad. Having done something amazingly wild or even having done something is something spectacular.

The only thing that needs fearing is traveling to the future to find that your future self is doing what you have been doing all along. Spinning the same wheels, running around the same circle, and hoping that things will change. That must be some real horror to find that everything you ever wanted and worked for will continue to be everything you want and work for and not necessarily getting to that goal.

Just Remember: The present is always now and the future is up-and-coming. Why bother not changing where we are now to make what is up-and-coming worth the wait?

Visiting those Lost

Traveling all over time gives one the ability to do what they want: study, revise, omit, etc. The only problem with the concept of travel is not being about to revise what we want to, only that doesn't necessarily pertain to us. Having that inability, it leaves me with no other option but to merely study certain parts of the past. I took the Time Sphere back to the late 1980s where I decided to visit home. It wasn't until I was outside my old subdivision that I realized the visit wouldn't make any sense. Turning around, I headed back into town to see what the town used to look like when I was young; however, I was faced with one massive problem: being Hispanic in a very rural region.

The visit to town was going fine up until a group of rowdy young men decided to show me a lesson. I ran. I ran as fast as I could and ended up in the town church. The building, for the most part, was empty. Trying to regain my breath, the priest and a parishioner came up to me and asked me what was wrong. Omitting the entire time-travel-thing, I told him about the men outside. The priest opened the door and the men started into the building threatening and taunting me. The father tried to show them logic and reason, but they wouldn't have it. It was then that the parishioner stood up to them, spouting off names and claiming he knew their parents. It was a strange display.

When the young men left, the parishioner and I attended to the priest. It wasn't until then that I realized who he was. I could have said anything to him. I could have told him of what to expect or what steps to take to postpone his inevitable end, but before I could think of anything to say he was on his way home with his son, a young me. It was then that I opened the time sphere and left. The past is too upsetting sometimes.

Just Remember: "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Back to the Past

Having failed to utterly destroy Taylor Swift and then getting locked in a club bathroom kind of wore on me. I needed to do something completely successful and amazing. I went back to the 1980s to the set of Back to the Future so I could steal the DeLorean from the set, but then it occurred to me, if I steal the main prop from that movie then the movie might not get made. Sad, I stayed a while to see the actors act. Then the director, Robert Zimeckis, came over to me and asked what I was doing on set. I could see from the glimmer in his eye that he wanted me in the film...at least until he had the police handcuff me and put me in their cruiser.

I couldn't escape with the time code as it was in my back pocket and couldn't easily read it. I ended up getting taken in for trespassing. The cops took everything from my pockets, including the time code. When they saw it they asked why I had a sheet of a bunch of numbers. I had them read the numbers on it for me. As the time code appeared, I grabbed my things and shoved an officer out of the way, jumping in and traveling several years into the future, ending up on the set of Back to the Future III. I got in the DeLorean and rode off into the time sphere. Apparently, the time sphere isn't car friendly so only me and half of the DeLorean made it back to the future.

Just Remember: I HAVE THE FLUX CAPACITOR, BITCHES!

Paradiso Lost

After having failed to halt the existence of the wretched Taylor Swift, I decided to return to the future and join in on a past time that I have not done in basically ever: night clubbing. Actually, it didn't start like that at all. It actually started with me walking downtown and finding this bar called Level 42, a bar geared toward every gamer nerd out there. There are game-themed drinks, recliner chairs,  and game systems. They have everything...except for food. I ended up leaving and going to Paradiso Pizza on the block kitty corner from the bar. For a pizza place with such a classy name, it has some really strange decor: all white floors, all white brick walls, and murals of anime girls.

As I dined on pizza, I chatted up the bartender and discovered that there were two additional floors above the pizza parlor that were a night club. He even took my name to put on a list so I could get in for free later. Seeing as the club wasn't supposed to start hopping until midnight or so, I went back to Level 42 to kill some time. Level 42 ended up being pretty cool, but having overstayed my welcome on the game systems, I made back for Pardiso Pizza a little earlier than intended. I walked up to the second floor. The floor was a solid, plastic white matte. Neon lights, the only thing to give life to the bland decor. There were solid, white plastic cylinders as tables or potentially chairs...it was kind of hard to say. Also, there was a large white plastic couch at one end of the room complete with one female waitress that looked tired of the club scene.

I snuck up to the third floor. This level seemed a little more incredible than the previous. There were couches in the shape of clouds (cool to look at, but incredibly difficult to get comfortable on). There was a floating island of a bar, all white as you may have guessed, with small digital televisions hanging down from the ceiling all around the bar. The shadow of a woman gyrated a dance in a fashion that could be considered surreal art or hip by some, it just confused me. Unlike the floor below though, the third floor was entirely empty. Having some privacy, I jumped into a bathroom. The bathroom, from what I can surmise, would have been all white had it not been illuminated in a blue light. Before I continue I want to say that I am no architect, just a person. So I finish my business in the bathroom, I unlock the door, and then I reach for the handle...the handle that isn't there. That's right, a bathroom was created without a door handle. I tried everything I could find (my shirt, my belt, bunched up paper towel) underneath the lock so I could use it as a handle, but to no use. I pounded on the door, but nobody could hear my above the music or from a floor below.  In the end I had to use the time code to activate the Time Sphere and leave.

Just Remember: Night clubs kind of suck and can suck more if you don't take a friend along...mainly because they can kick open a bathroom door that has no handle. Also, if you visit a club downtown above a pizza parlor that has a locked men's room...that was me. Good luck getting it open.

Attempting to Right a Wrong

All of time and space at my finger tips. The question becomes What do I do first? I could go back and try to get together with a lost love. I could go back and see the best concerts or meet the greatest people of all time. Instead, I chose to do something rather heroic: I went back in time to meet Taylor Swift's parents...so I could prevent her from being born.

For a while, her parents could only focus on this whole time-travel-orb thing...mostly because it isn't kosher to walk out of a time sphere ass naked. But, when they finally got settled in and I got my clothes back on and they were willing to listen to me, they were focused on how much money their daughter would make. I took a moment to play them one of the albums their daughter would record which I stole before I left. While her mother loved it, her father decided to drink heavily. If that didn't stop it, alcohol poisoning sure would.

Jumping back into the Time Sphere, I rode a few years into the future. It would seem nothing changed. The monster was still born and it cooed horrible tunes from its wretched sound hole. I saved no one from her future wretchedness.

I wanted nothing good or her. Not success. Not glory. Not happiness. It was then I realized that her music was all about how she wasn't happy with men and I decided create the perfect man for her, one that wouldn't hurt her, leading to her creating shitty music. I rode the Time Sphere head long into the future, compiling an automaton from various pieces of tech. The Mechanical Man was perfect in every way except for that it was too realistic.  When I sent him back he would go on to disappoint her over and over again until, well, I guess what I'm saying is...I created Taylor Swift.

Sorry guys.

Just Remember: We can't always get what we want. Again, I'm terribly sorry.

Walternates and Fauxlivias

In an alternate dimension, everything could be different based off of slight changes, perhaps anything determined by coin flips ended up the other way. That sounds like an interesting chance...too interesting not to pass up. I have recently come in contact with a bit of code that will allow me to jump around time to any point I wish. There is a chance to right previous mistakes, undo the past, steal anything I ever wanted. Much like Superman, I can use this for good or evil. I don't think it matters which, but I will use it to go wherever I want.

The only thing left to decide is whether I bounce around all of time and existence or travel to different parts of my timeline.

Just Remember: When life hands you lemons, get in the damn time sphere you stupid idiot.

The Day the Earth Became a Bunch of Idiots

In 2013, a lot of political figures in the United States of America all came to a key conclusion: We should undo a few laws. Their logic was that the world had changed enough that we could get rid of them. One of the laws we have gotten rid of recently has been Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act, a section that rejects state laws that are racially discriminatory towards minority voters.

I ask you: Has the world really changed? Think about it.

With that logic there is so much we could change. We could institute that movie theaters no longer need projectors since people would be able to understand the movie by sound alone. Or, even better, we could have music concerts without speakers since sound travels anyway. Or maybe, just maybe, we could start having deodorant that doesn't remove smell at all.

The reason why the world has changed so much is because these laws were in place. Prior to these laws, we had rules that were so abhorrent that they needed to be changed. Also, getting rid of/altering laws costs taxpayer money. Why would we want to alter laws that don't really need altering and pay for it? When Hostess was going bankrupt, several people bought a box of Twinkies to make sure the business stayed intact because the product reminded them of their childhood. If only the same could be said of education and equality.

Just Remember: It is a badge of pride for some people to say they remember where they were when a certain song came out. Claiming that Pluto was a planet when you were young is also kind of cute. I think it's going to be a strange future when we can say "I remember when voting equality was legal and then when it stopped being legal."

A Vacation...And It's Mandatory!

It's mid to late June and there is a distinctive difference in the air: noise. Why does summer bring so much noise? It's because the school year is out and so young people are bound to be out more. How do we combat this? Vacation!



Vacations can be useful to the family or the average Joe. The family can get away from it all and the average person can get away from the everyday gripes of their own job. Why not go fishing, camping, or anywhere your heart desires? Live it out when you are out there. Party,meet someone you find attractive, lie to them about what you do for a living tell them you're a lion tamer. Even if you don't go to Vegas, play it out like you are.

Just Remember: Where you might go for your vacation might also be where someone with kids goes for their vacation.

Rising Price of Dark Matter

When I was younger I used to ask adults what they were up to or how they were and they would give answers like Oh, can't complain. I'm just living the dream. I never knew what they would mean. They would be married with kids, things I never wanted.

Today it made sense.

Over the course of the past few weeks, gas/dark matter prices as shot up to about $4.09 per gallon ($4.19 at some stations), the highest they have ever been around here. Today the prices dropped to $3.99 per gallon and I, like many, sighed in relief and said Oh, thank God. What a relief. It was then that I realized how ridiculous the statement was. Sure, it is nice that the price dropped 10 cents, but considering how a few months ago it was about 40 to 50 cents less than it is now the statement is kind of worthless.

Backtrack about nearly two decades and the prices of gas in the early to mid-90s was at about, if not just below, $3.00. That's right, in twenty years 3-D movies made a comeback, pop music went from horribly catchy to incredibly bad, and  gas prices rose by over dollar.

Those adults were living the dream.

Just Remember: Perhaps something is wrong here. Maybe we shouldn't depend so much on oil and start looking to other sources of fuel. Or maybe, just maybe, when someone comes up with an idea for a vehicle that is powered by other means, we don't laugh at them until they gave up.

Workplace Adventure

The weather is getting nicer and work continues to be just as long, though, to its credit, it feels like it is several hours longer than it actually is. No, there isn't some strange time slowing device, it is more that you get to view how great the day is and watch it pass you by. How can you make yourself enjoy your day? Good question. I have a few ideas for how to have fun at work.

Only Movie Quotes Day
Talking in movie quotes, or song quotes, all day is fantastic because it allows you to be creative and have fun. My favorite version of this is quoting Batman all day long and become annoying as possible. Well worth it.

Go on an Adventure
This can be as simple as stealing someone's new invention and randomly pointing it at stuff. Sure, it might be extremely dangerous, but you may win a contest...somehow.

Listen to Horribly Catchy Music
Horrible 80's music is usually the way to go in this instance, though be forewarned: "The Safety Dance" isn't really that safe. Of course, if you can find good elevator style music and really get into it people will notice and either enjoy it too or leave you alone. My favorite so far is Burt Bacharach's Greatest Hits.

Learn Something New 
Learning something new isn't too difficult and can be fun. If you are paid to learn something, then by all intents and purposes, learn something else that is fun. This entire process can be expedited by having space worms. Just beware of internal battles.

Create a Game
A game is simple. All you have to do is make a score card of things that happen on a fairly regular basis. Give each a point value. Then make a few items on the list that are outrageous with extremely high points. Whoever ends up with the most points wins.
 

Just Remember: Work can be fun, just fake it like it is and it might actually start being fun.

On Being Successful

A few weeks ago I received an invitation for my 10 year high school reunion. Everyone wants to go back and brag to everyone about how they are a great spaceship captain or lion tamer, but certain networking websites make that difficult in modern society. Several of the people from the guest list have since friended me on Facebook. Curiosity struck me to research them a bit. I've found a few people to have become rather successful. This has me looking back to the fruits of my labor, writing, and trying to compare. All I can think of is that song by Ben Folds and Nick Hornsby.

It is hard being a writer at a reunion, surrounded by business people. It can seem on when they have their houses, children, jobs, and their always present phrase "it just felt like the next step" to guide their every decisions and you have your words, papers, and pens. I, on the other hand, never really felt like any of that to be my goal. I wanted to share ideas that make people think. My goal is being met and I can't ask for me.

Just Remember: Those classmates of yours that all have kids can't go out and party like those who don't. Take advantage of the fun. Also brag as much as possible.

It Gets Hotter and Hotter

So the weather is changing and, despite how you have yearned for warm weather all winter, it isn't the kind of warm you have wanted. It feels like someone is increasing the Earth's temperature 5,000 degrees every day...for five days. In all honesty, it is hard to deal with warm weather aside from trying to amalgamate to it slowly. The best way to do so is to hunker down in the lowest section of your house and familiarize yourself with an old show you love. It's a great way to relax.

Just Remember: That's how this blog got started. Perhaps you can start a blog on a show you like too.

Family Reunions

Phillip J. Fry was sent 1,000 years into the future in the year 1999.  He left behind his father, mother, and brother. While he felt they didn't care for them, it wasn't until a year after his waking that he found out he had a nephew named after him, a nephew that did all the fantastic things he dreamed of accomplishing. It wasn't until a few years later that he got to finally go back in time and be with his family, treating them the way he always wanted to. His bonds to them grew as he lost the new family he made in the future.

You and I may not be frozen for a thousand years and we may not be able to time travel back to visit people. What we should do is appreciate the people we have now. Take a break from our busy work week, sit down with them, and enjoy a meal or a movie because, in the end, they are all we have. We should enjoy them while we have time.

Just Remember: What are your priorities? Your actions will show them.

Your Music is Bad and You Should Feel Bad

A while back I took up guitar and, in the five years since taking it up, I haven't progressed much at my own work, but have done well in covering the work of others. Lately, there have been people I work with that have been playing for years longer than myself and, after having listened to their work that their rhythms are nice and their lyrics are clever, but there is something missing. I then realize then that is the problem that musicians and writer's both have: what you have are parts that are great independent from each other. Of course, not all music can be bad if the music is in you right?

That is a lie. Look at Taylor Swift. Her music has been around for a while and had studio production with it and it is horrible. And since you aren't Taylor Swift, that means you have talent of some sort. If you don't, just keep persevering and get help from friends. That is how one can get better.


Just Remember: No matter how bad your music is, at least it isn't techno.

Look at Ms. Puke and the Puke Mobile

Driving, whether I like it or not, is a vital aspect of my life. I have to get around. Whenever I hear people talking about driving, they have stories about being flashed by girls or getting out of speeding tickets. The stories I am usually involved in go something to the effect of Once upon a time, I was driving home from work when some schmuck in an SUV decided to cut me off. Ignoring this schmuck I continued onward towards my destination, when at an intersection another schmuck in an SUV decided that they had the right to turn before me, nearly crashing into me. Needing to stop for gas, I take the last open pump, only to be flipped off by the person entering the gas station behind me. They too are in an SUV, from which they begin insulting me and my "pukey-puke mobile."

Now there are a multitude of ideas that come to mind. The first being to turn the other cheek. Of course, this idea is thrown on the window by the time the second and third driver put me off within the same hour. My second idea lends itself to a more lawful path: calling the police. While that is well and good, I would rather not go through that hassle. Then comes the idea polar opposite to the former: DEMOLITION DERBY, BABY! Then logic kicks in and I realize that my tiny sedan is no match in that kind of derby against an SUV. And, while my mind logically realizes that their cars are more likely to roll or hit each other should a Demolition Derby take place, I then realize that my anger has gotten the best of me.

Just Remember: All people drive like crap, but we cannot let it get the best of us.

Bye Bye Gadget Childhood (Now in Hypnovision)

I was hanging out at the bookstore the other day and started noticing a horrific trend: kids admire schmucks. There wasn't a time in my life I remember thinking kids from Disney were cool and, better yet, the ones that were on Disney at my age didn't make music. Even when they made music later on, I didn't care for it. That aside, there sure as hell wasn't a book on any of them.

Such was not the case today.

I saw rows of books on "stars" who can still hardly play their own instruments. Think about it. There still really isn't a book about Justin Timberlake or Brittney Spears. There wasn't one about Phoebe Cates or Kirk Cameron. And there still isn't one fully about Michael J. Fox. Do you know why? Because their body of work isn't finished yet.

Sure, some joy can be measured that perhaps as there are books out about these schmucks that their careers will tank soon, but what if not? That is entirely bothersome more so than how these fools became famous. A lot of these "stars" have become famous like Hannah Montana: we were told they are popular and thus became so. At least Timberlake and Fox could back that up. The same could not be said of Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, etc.

Just Remember: Someone is going to make a lot of money when those books are updated to include any addictions and/or illegitimate children. Then they will be a lot better. Of course, nobody will read them.

Shut Up and Take My Money!

Tis the time of year where the Tax Monster swings around and sucks the cash from your bank account. Sometimes he leaves a little bit behind if you're lucky. Provided that the monster leaves more than he takes, you can come to an awesome decision: save the money for future bills or use it on something gaudy and audacious. There lies the true cruelty of the Tax Monster, making you choose between levelheadedness or knocking down that wall and unleashing your crazy inner child that wants everything. I hope that you can deal with this in the way best for you.

Just Remember: Even if you end up saving all of you get back, you typically end up spending it on what I call a "Shitstorm Anomaly". This could be anything from needing a new car because someone stole your last one to paying off an emergency surgery because your appendix almost explode. Basically, spending it on that expensive TV right now probably isn't the best idea when you innards decide you suck and wish to locate to regions outside your body. Also, and I'm looking at you fellow nerds, buying that book cabinet that looks like the TARDIS is probably great for storing your stuff, but not so hot later on. Save up.

Intravenous Technology

Here we all are, fiddling with technology, not focused on one another, or awaiting the new technology to hit stores. A lot of us can't wait for the iphone 37 to come out with its newly integrated french fry cutter and lobotomy function. I know I have fallen prey to time-wasting Skeeball apps, time I could have spent better with someone I care about or finishing one of my projects.  In the grand scheme of things, what is the point of all this technology? Why do we play Wii Bowling when we could have more fun with friends at a bowling ally? Why do we insist on creating digital farms when we complain about making our own beds? I think, in terms of Terminator, the machines are winning. So I ask, What are we doing to stop them?

Just Remember: It's ok to use tech if it helps make your life simple, just don't let it get in the way of your life.